I posted to my facebook about two amazing opportunities I had this past week that I just passed up. Just didn’t go. Why did I do that? Was it swings of my mood, or just a rotation of my perspective? My friend Joe chimed in.
Had full access to Naval Air Station’s museum before they open to film a veteran… didn’t go. Had full access to battleship USS Alabama today to film the remaining crew members from WWII… didn’t go. Just tired of everything, and don’t see the point in anything anymore.
it struck me late in life trying to figure out if being creative is a curse or a gift because the mood swings are so tough to deal with. Fortunately, I have learned to stay away from making any big decisions during my downward swings, I’ve really messed some things up in my life by doing so…same applies to my extreme highs.
It’s a real trade off. Do I go to the events and film even though I don’t feel it? Or do I do nothing at all? These projects are things I began doing just for the joy of doing them. They seemed right to do, noble actually to document these stories. I felt for sure people would be helpful in my journey. They became an extreme annoyance because of the obstacles and the people who showed no support of the project and I started to wonder if it was worth doing at all.
You are right Joe, there are ups & downs being a creative. I feel the true ups and downs are not created by being that type person but are created because of the influences on you from being that type of person. The largest influence in my life (and many lives) is money. Money runs the world we live in. As a project in it’s self I felt wonderful doing it. When it began costing me considerably though, when I did not have the support from others I had hoped for, I felt no purpose or passion to continue.
The battleship originally denied me being there. After several messages they came 180 and gave me full access. If you have to convince someone to invite you to a party, do you still want to go? It would have been a great opportunity to film the crewmates from the battleship, but at what cost to me? Gulf Shores to Mobile @ $4 a gal of gas, day filming, 2 days editing, all for what? This became an big expense on me.
There are three types of values to any gig. Income Value, Creative Value, and Opportunity Value. You consider what kind of opportunity value a gig may have, consider what kind of personal creative value you can take from it, but in the end it all comes to one value. The income value of anything you do. Rent has to be paid. Does what I am putting into it = any kind of return? Is the expense to myself for doing this project paying off? Not to say you have to profit off everything you do. We will never be able to repay what our veterans have done for us. But that is the way the world turns. If not a profit, we have to justify the expense of what we are doing. If we are not gaining anything from what we are doing, then why do it? Madonna had it right. We are material people in a material world.
So in the end, looking at those events and why I didn’t go.
Was it swings of my mood, or just a rotation of my perspective?